The week ended with a bang. The lava flow from Borsetshire hit Cambridge as Alfred and I had one of our periodic rows. So unfair on him really, as he'd been to the supermarket and bought some tasty steaks for supper. And he'd cooked them perfectly as well.

Our arguments often start with domestic trivia such as who has or hasn't pulled their weight in the cooking, washing, cleaning, repairs in the flat and so on. The underlying cause is, however, my resentment that he shares my living standard without really contributing to it. He works many less hours than me, and has paid holidays, so a bit more help around the house would take some pressure off me.

I appreciate that I also give mixed signals. I don't feel comfortable with people doing things for me (even Alfred), as I like to feel self-sufficient. But I am also finding it hard to cope with my workload - and I'm very fussy about wanting the flat to be kept ina good state of cleanliness and repair all the time.

It turned out that he had had an awful day at work, which contributed too his own fragility. That, combined with my short fuse today, made for an explosive combination.

It wasn't all kiss and make up at the end, though. I really do feel that he could spend less time staring at his computer screen and just a bit more keeping the flat looking just right.

Our occasional rows are so awful as he can be so twisting and manipulative in his perceptions and argument. I always end up feeling humiliated and totally in the wrong, even though I'm not. Do you understand me? We have such different views of right and wrong.

Maybe I'm just realising, yet again, that I'd be better off living on my own?

Posted by nathan at October 11, 2002 11:14 PM

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